Archive for the ‘Laughs’ Category

Perspectives on climate change …

April 24, 2017

To celebrate Earth Day, there was a Science March in DC on Saturday.

There were many serious scientists worried about Trump de-funding their work.

There were also the usual cadre of cause-chilling climate change zealots.

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Whenever I see these folks I reach back for some grounded perspective from political commentator (and comedian) Dennis Miller …

(more…)

Forget cow tipping … there’s a new sport.

December 2, 2016

Since the election is over, the T-Day conversation at our house shifted to “cow tipping”.

So, let’s dip into the HomaFiles archive for the definitive explanation … with a twist.

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A news story caught my eye yesterday.

But, first some context …

Have you ever heard of “cow tipping?

It’s a ritual where drunk farm boys  sneak up on cows and tip them over.

Technical note: I have no idea why they have to be drunk, but it’s always stated that way.

image

Last year , Modern Farmer magazine published a scientific study on cow tipping.

image

Basically, Modern Farmer debunked the rural legend:

 Cow tipping, at least as popularly imagined, does not exist.

Drunk young men do not, on any regular basis, sneak into cow pastures and put a hard shoulder into a cow taking a standing snooze, thus tipping the poor animal over.

While in the history of the world there have surely been a few unlucky cows shoved to their side by gang of boozed-up morons, we feel confident in saying this happens at a rate roughly equivalent to the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.

The evidence against cow tipping is immense, and backed up by both farmers and the laws of physics

Ignore the cheap shot at my favorite Cubbies … focus on the “boozed up morons” and the “laws of physics”.

The Modern Farmer study was provocative  enough that it was picked up by Slate.com with the following headline:

 

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Uh-oh, this is where things get really interesting …

(more…)

Shocker: NFL to revamp scoring system …

November 16, 2016

Total net yards gained to determine game winners – not TDs, FGs and PATs.

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You may have missed this last week in the emotional aftermath of the election, but amid a sharp drop in TV ratings …

The NFL rules committee voted to fundamentally change the game’s scoring rules …. the ones that determine the winners and losers of games.

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In a nutshell, the team that gains the most yardage during a game will be declared the winner.

All yards gained will be counted – passing, rushing, kick & interception returns.

Penalty yardage will be deducted from a team’s total.

Team’s will get 10 bonus yards for each “classic” point scored … 60 yards for a TD, 30 yards for a FG, etc.

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Here’s how Commissioner Roger Goodell defended the rules change …

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Marijuana makes the news … twice this week!

August 12, 2016

Slot this one in the ‘you can’t make this stuff up” file.

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I don’t really give a hoot about the legalization of marijuana one way or another.

But, I love ironic twists, so …

Story #1

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According to NPR:

“The Obama administration has denied a bid by two Democratic governors to reconsider how it treats marijuana under federal drug control laws, keeping the drug for now, at least, in the most restrictive category for U.S. law enforcement purposes.”

“So, under federal law, marijuana remains a Schedule 1 controlled substance, which means it’s considered to have “no currently accepted medical use” and a “high potential for abuse.”

OK, so far so good.

Now, let’s advance the story …

(more…)

Tainted donkey meat … say, what?

February 17, 2016

Believe it or not, this topic came up in a chat with students … so, I decided to reprise it. 

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Business Week ran an article titled “Keeping the Mystery Out of China’s Meat”

Can’t explain why I decided to read it.

 

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But, I did … and here’s what caught my eye.

(more…)

DC’s anti-burglary initiative off to a bad start …

January 8, 2016

Let’s end the week with something from the you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up file …

There has been an epidemic of burglaries in DC.

The DC police chief chalks it a change in criminals’ organization structure:

“We used to say that violence was neighborhood-based … now criminal street gangs are organized around armed robberies.

They’re involved in a high number of robberies and they don’t just do it in one neighborhood.”

In MBA-speak, they used to be organized geographically … now they’re organizing functionally.

Hmmm.

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Recognizing the problem, Mayor Muriel Bowser did the what mayors do ….

(more…)

Dude, so like what’s a “dude” anyway?

October 21, 2015

A while ago, we posted The Dude Factor about two recent virals centered on the word “dude”.

  • ·On The Voice – Italy, rapper Jay-Ax told contestant Sister Kristina: “We’d be a perfect team. You’re the holy water, I’m the Dude”
  • ·On Fox’s Special Report, former Obama NSC point man Tommy Vietor said of the Benghazi murders: “Dude, that was like 2 years ago”

Curiosity got the best of me re: the origins and use of the expression “dude”.

First, directly from the Urban Dictionary:

 

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Here’s a brief history of the term …

(more…)

Daily Mail: “Chelsea takes the plunge” >>>

August 21, 2015

WARNING: Disturbing Content

We’re temporarily suspending the HomaFiles usually high editorial standards … this is a story that must be told.

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Earlier this week, the UK’s Daily Mail led it’s coverage with the following story:

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The article has so many angles that it’s a ‘must view to believe ” …

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Amazing infographic: Life inside Baltimore’s jails …

May 15, 2015

Since Baltimore has been in the news, here’s a flashback from the you can’t make this stuff up file …

There’s a notorious gang – the Black Guerrilla Family (BGF) —  that is, one could say, well represented in the Baltimore prison population.

Well, court documents have been filed in a massive racketeering case accusing 13 female corrections officers of colluding with the BGF — seven male inmates and several outside gang members.

Colluding may be a gross understatement.

Corrections officers allegedly smuggled  contraband such as cellphones, drugs, and weapons to BGFers, and turned a blind eye on the BGF leaders running the outside gang from prison.

You know, garden variety collusion between guards and prisoners.

But, it turns out that several of the guards are also accused of being literally “in bed” with the BGF inmates.

Four of the officers became pregnant with prison gang leader Tavon White’s baby.

One of them got pregnant twice.

Say, what?

The web of relationships got sufficiently complicated that the Baltimore Sun developed an extraordinary infographic.

Don’t squint, below I’ll walk you through it and give you the link.

image

OK, here’s a key to the info graphic …

(more…)

Dude, so like what’s a “dude” anyway?

February 17, 2015

A while ago, we posted The Dude Factor about two recent virals centered on the word “dude”.

  • ·On The Voice – Italy, rapper Jay-Ax told contestant Sister Kristina: “We’d be a perfect team. You’re the holy water, I’m the Dude”
  • ·On Fox’s Special Report, former Obama NSC point man Tommy Vietor said of the Benghazi murders: “Dude, that was like 2 years ago”

Curiosity got the best of me re: the origins and use of the expression “dude”.

First, directly from the Urban Dictionary:

 

clip_image002

 

Here’s a brief history of the term …

(more…)

“Hands up, Floyd” … say,what?

September 24, 2014

This one is from the “great moments in law enforcement” file …

According to the Orlando Sentinel, Orange County police have been cracking down on major crime.

SWAT teams – in full riot gear – have been raiding local barbershops.

 

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What’s the criminal activity that the police are trying to tamp down?

(more…)

NLRB Orders CNN to Rehire 100 Employees Fired in 2003 …. say,what?

September 19, 2014

According to Variety – the entertainment industry paper of record …

The National Labor Relations Board has ordered CNN to rehire 100 workers as part of a labor dispute that originated in 2003.

 

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This initially caught my eye because of the defendant … CNN.

Demonstrating non-partisanship, the NLRB isn’t targeting Fox … it’s going after administration-friendly CNN.

And, the story gets better …

(more…)

Cubs lose … blame Obama.

August 25, 2014

Since Obama is still blaming Bush for everything, it’s good to see the tide turning and see him get tagged for some losses.

Here’s the scoop according to several sources:

The Cubs were leading the SF Giants 2-0  last week when the game had to stopped due to heavy rain.

The ground crew struggled to get the tarp across the field.

 

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After a 4-hour rain delay, the field was declared unplayable.

Since the teams had played more than 5 complete innings, the Cubs were declared the winners.

Here’s where things get interesting.

(more…)

It takes more than a swig of ‘tussin …

August 13, 2014

Chris Rock is a very funny guy.

His routine on the many uses of Robitussin (‘tussin, for short) is a comedy classic.

The ‘tussin skit sets the context for the rest of this post.

If you haven’t seen it – or want a refresher — click to view it now.

 

 

I always assumed that Rock was a naturally funny guy who just stoked up and unleashed a stream of top-of-mind consciousness on stage.

I was surprised to learn that Rock takes his craft very seriously and toils long and hard to test and fine-tune his material.

Here’s a glimpse at his recipe for success …

(more…)

She’s back … now, with money to burn.

July 30, 2014

We’re talking Sandra Fluke today.

You know, the Georgetown law student who couldn’t afford $3,000 for birth control pills while going to law school.

 

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Not to worry, we’re not taking sides on the ObamaCare contraceptives issue … this is all about money — freakonomics.

Still, since it’s critical background, here’s an excerpt of her infamous Congressional testimony:

My name is Sandra Fluke, and I’m a third-year student at Georgetown Law School.

I attend a Jesuit law school that does not provide contraceptive coverage in its student health plan.

We students have faced financial, emotional and medical burdens as a result.

When I look around my campus, I see the faces of the women affected by this lack of contraceptive coverage …

On a daily basis, I hear from yet another woman from Georgetown or from another school … and they tell me that they have suffered financially, emotionally and medically, because of this lack of coverage.

Without insurance coverage, contraception, as you know, can cost a woman over $3,000 during law school.

For a lot of students who, like me, are on public interest scholarships, that’s practically an entire summer’s salary.

Forty percent of the female students at Georgetown Law reported to us that they’ve struggled financially as a result of this policy.

Click for full unedited transcript

OK, I understand.

Sandra is cash-strapped because of the high cost of attending Georgetown and she wants other folks to pay for her contraceptives.

But now, there’s a strange twist to her “poor me” story.

(more…)

Dude, so like what’s a “dude” anyway?

May 9, 2014

Earlier this week, we posted The Dude Factor about two recent virals centered on the word “dude”.

  • ·On The Voice – Italy, rapper Jay-Ax told contestant Sister Kristina: “We’d be a perfect team. You’re the holy water, I’m the Dude”
  • ·On Fox’s Special Report, former Obama NSC point man Tommy Vietor said of the Benghazi murders: “Dude, that was like 2 years ago”

Curiosity got the best of me re: the origins and use of the expression “dude”.

First, directly from the Urban Dictionary:

 

clip_image002

 

Here’s a brief history of the term …

(more…)

Forget cow tipping … there’s a new sport.

April 8, 2014

A news story caught my eye yesterday.

But, first some context …

Have you ever heard of “cow tipping?

It’s a ritual where drunk farm boys  sneak up on cows and tip them over.

Technical note: I have no idea why they have to be drunk, but it’s always stated that way.

image

Last year , Modern Farmer magazine published a scientific study on cow tipping.

image

Basically, Modern Farmer debunked the rural legend:

 Cow tipping, at least as popularly imagined, does not exist.

Drunk young men do not, on any regular basis, sneak into cow pastures and put a hard shoulder into a cow taking a standing snooze, thus tipping the poor animal over.

While in the history of the world there have surely been a few unlucky cows shoved to their side by gang of boozed-up morons, we feel confident in saying this happens at a rate roughly equivalent to the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.

The evidence against cow tipping is immense, and backed up by both farmers and the laws of physics

Ignore the cheap shot at my favorite Cubbies … focus on the “boozed up morons” and the “laws of physics”.

The Modern Farmer study was provocative  enough that it was picked up by Slate.com with the following headline:

 

image

 

Uh-oh, this is where things get really interesting …

(more…)

Tainted donkey meat … say, what?

April 1, 2014

Recent issue of Business Week ran an article titled “Keeping the Mystery Out of China’s Meat”

Can’t explain why I decided to read it.

 

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But, I did … and here’s what caught my eye.

(more…)

What Sequester? … The $100 million vacation.

June 18, 2013

The Washington Post reports that the First Family’s junket to Africa may cost taxpayers as much as $100 million.

And, that’s after scratching the safari from the itinerary.

 

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I’m old school, so I still think that $100 million is a lot of money.

To put the amount in perspective, here’s what else $100 million could buy …

(more…)

Laughs: Daily Show smacks Clapper and the NSA program … very funny.

June 12, 2013

First, you lose Leno … then you lose Jon Stewart (or more precisely, Stewart’s temp replacement John Oliver) … not good.

Monday night, the Daily Show skewered Clapper and the Prism program.

The fish-in-a-barrel shot was DNI Clapper’s boldface lie to Congress.

The humor isn’t in the content, it’s in the way the dude delivers the lie … like he had taken drama lessons on acting guilty.

Wouldn’t you love to play poker with this fish?

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The  best line, though, has to do with the sophisticated algorithms used to to ID somebody as a foreigner: if the nums say there’s a 51% likelihood, then it’s ok to listen in … that passes the NSA “foreigner test”.

As Oliver said: “51% … that’s flipping a coin“


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Click to view the video  … very funny

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Follow on Twitter @KenHoma                  >> Latest Posts

Laughs: Leno smacks “Snoop Dog Obama” … very funny.

June 9, 2013

When you’ve lost Leno, well …

Great Leno monologue on the phone flap and IRS …. transcript is below or click to watch the video (recommended).

Favorite line: “if Obama wants to put this snooping thing to good use, how about spying on the IRS.”

 

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Click to watch the video (recommended).

JAY LENO:

Well, let’s see what’s going on. Hey, Snoop is back in the news. Not Snoop Dogg, Snoop Obama. Yeah, Snoop Obama. A big change at the White House today. They closed the gift shop and opened a Verizon store. Yeah.

Well, this has become a huge controversy after it was revealed that the National Security Agency seized millions of Verizon phone records, and of course this has caused a panic among civil libertarians, constitutional scholars and cheating husbands everywhere. Oh my God.

How ironic is that? We wanted a president that listens to all Americans – now we have one. Yeah.

Actually, President Obama clarified the situation today. He said no one is listening to your phone calls. The president said it’s not what the program is all about. You know, like the IRS isn’t about targeting certain political groups. That’s not what it’s about!

I mean what’s going on? The White House has looked into our phone records, checking our computers, monitoring our e-mails. When did the government suddenly become our psycho ex-girlfriend? When did that happen? When did that happen? When did that happen?

You know, I’ll tell you, if Obama wants to put this snooping thing to good use, how about spying on the IRS next time they throw a $4 million party. Why don’t you do that one? Yes, exactly, exactly. Find out about that. Yeah.

 

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Follow on Twitter @KenHoma               >> Latest Posts

Amazing infographic: Life inside Baltimore’s jails …

April 29, 2013

From the you can’t make this stuff up file …

There’s a notorious gang – the Black Guerrilla Family (BGF) —  that is, one could say, well represent in the Baltimore prison population.

Well, court documents have been filed in a massive racketeering case accusing 13 female corrections officers of colluding with the BGF — seven male inmates and several outside gang members.

Colluding may be a gross understatement.

Corrections officers allegedly smuggled  contraband such as cellphones, drugs, and weapons to BGFers, and turned a blind eye on the BGF leaders running the outside gang from prison.

You know, garden variety collusion between guards and prisoners.

But, it turns out that several of the guards are also accused of being literally “in bed” with the BGF inmates.

Four of the officers became pregnant with prison gang leader Tavon White’s baby.

One of them got pregnant twice.

Say, what?

The web of relationships got sufficiently complicated that the Baltimore Sun developed an extraordinary infographic.

Don’t squint, below I’ll walk you through it and give you the link.

image

OK, here’s a key to the info graphic …

(more…)

But, bunnies are supposed to be fast, right?

April 8, 2013

I considered titling this post “Bunny cited by jackass”.

At first, I thought this was probably secularism on steroids … trying to quash Easter.

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Turns out to be a different charge … but equally as ridiculous.

The cop pulled the Easter Bunny over for hopping his ride without a helmet.

Are you kidding me?

Where can the EB find a helmet to fit over those enormous ears?

Or, how can he fit in a car with his head on?

How can he possibly comply?

Murder is running rampant and this jabrone is pinching the Easter Bunny.

Can’t make this stuff up …

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Follow on Twitter @KenHoma              >> Latest Posts

Brand dilution: Did Chris Rock inspire Maker’s Mark?

February 19, 2013

Marker’s Mark Bourbon may have made the single dumbest marketing decision ever.

They decided to stretch short supplies of Maker’s Mark by diluting it … by  literally adding water.

The company must have been inspired by either:

(a) millions of teenage boys who replenished  their dad’s whiskey bottle by adding water after taking a swig, or

(b) Chris Rock’s hilarious minute-long bit on ‘Tussin … which is guaranteed to make you chuckle.

.

If you run out of ‘Tussin, no problem.

Just put some water in the bottle and shake it up.

Just like that … mo’ ‘Tussin  …  mo’ ‘Tussin

* * * * *
OK, back to the Maker’s Mark story …

By now everybody has probably heard that Maker’s Mark bourbon got themselves into a bit of a mess.

The primary cause: runaway sales.

Why’s that a problem?

Well, bourbon whiskey takes a few years to age … and a couple of years ago, Maker’s Mark management bet the under on future demand and didn’t start enough MM flowing through the distilling process.

So, Maker’s Mark can’t meet the market demand.

They can ramp up production, but the new brew won’t be ready for 6 years.

So, what did the jabrones decide to do … and why is it a problem?

(more…)

Lights out: Beyonce emerges as a “person of interest”

February 5, 2013

When the lights went out during the SuperBowl, I flashed back to the 1989 World Series pitting the Oakland As with the San Francisco Giants.

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Remember game 3?

Just moments before the game was scheduled to start, a major earthquake shook Candlestick Park.

The stadium suffered only minor damage, but elsewhere the area suffered billions of dollars of damage, and dozens of people were killed.

Commissioner of Baseball Fay Vincent immediately postponed Game 3, and delayed announcing when, where, and even if the Series would be resumed.

Finally, after consulting with public officials, Vincent scheduled Game 3 at Candlestick Park on October 27, 10 days after the earthquake.

Source: MLB.com

Now, that was an untimely disaster.

The SuperDome’s power outage occurred after two electrifying performances: One by Beyonce;  one by Jacoby Jones.

Jacoby electrified the place by opening the 2nd half with a 108 yard kick-off return for a TD.

Man, can that dude fly.

Nobody’s blaming Jacoby.

But, it seems that Beyonce has emerged as a person-of-interest.

(more…)

Dopes: A-Rod on juice; Ray Lewis on deer spray … say, what?

January 30, 2013

OK, let’s start with the garden variety doping allegation.

Several news sources reported that Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees was “ensnared in a doping investigation once again when an alternative weekly newspaper reported baseball’s highest-paid star was among a half-dozen players listed in records of a Florida clinic the paper said sold performance-enhancing drugs.”

Technical question: What the heck is an “alternative weekly newspaper”?  What is it an alternative to?

The Miami New Times said the three-time AL MVP bought human growth hormone and other performance-enhancing substances during 2009-12 from Biogenesis of America LLC, a now-closed anti-aging clinic in Coral Cables near Rodriguez’s offseason home.

Another technical question: What the heck is an “anti-aging” clinic?  Glad to see it closed.

The New York Yankees third baseman issued a statement denying the allegations.

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Now let’s move to the jaw-dropper: Raven’s LB Ray Lewis Accused of Using Performance Enhancing Deer Spray.

(more…)

Gotcha: How long is a Subway footlong?

January 22, 2013

Forget Nenghazi … here’s a scandal for you.

According to the UK Telegraph

An Australian teenager measured his Subway “foot-long” sub and find it was an inch short.

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The picture-is-worth-a-thousand words is buzzing the internet.

Subway’s  corporate responses (two of them) are classics …

(more…)

Politics: Boehner, Obama & W.C. Fields

December 18, 2012

According to CNBC, fiscal cliff talks moved forward in the past couple of days.

  • Obama has been steadfast that income tax rates go up for millionaires & billionaires making more than $250,000.
  • Boehner had been equally adamant that – as a matter of principle – no rates could go up.
  • Over the weekend, Boehner reportedly said he’d agree to higher tax rates starting at the $1 million income level
  • Obama reportedly countered by upping his threshold from $250,000 to $400,000
  • Boehner immediately expressed indignation and rejected the counter-offer

Reminded me of an old W.C. Field’s routine …

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Here’s the way the skit goes ..

(more…)

The Al Smith dinner … funny stuff.

October 19, 2012

Dennis Miller has been on the campaign trail with Romney this week.  I’m betting that he wrote much of Mitt’s Al Smith roast material … it’s pretty funny with a bit of edge.

Here’s the video … worth watching.  My fav punch lines are below.

  • “Usually I get invited to events like this to be the designated driver.”
  • “This show is brought to you by the letter O and the number 16 trillion”
  • Re: debate prep: “I just abstain from alcohol for 65 years.”
  • Re: debate: “Big Bird never saw it coming.”
  • Overheard Pres. Obama: “So little time, so much to redistribute”.
  • “Polls are now showing Obama leading from behind”
  • Obama to the Pope: “Just blame everything on John Paul II”
  • Obama to voters: “Are you better off now than you were 4 weeks ago”
  • Tomorrow’s headline: “Obama engages Catholics, Romney dines with rich people.”
  • “There’ more to life …”

 

>> Latest Posts

Nappers: Plop down anywhere with an Ostrich Pillow.

October 5, 2012

Architecture and design studio Kawamura-Ganjavian has announced the innovative Ostrich Pillow – essentially a combination pillow & hat that lets would- be nappers kick back or plop down wherever they may be.

The pillow features holes for your head and hands, and “has been designed to allow you to create a little private space within a public one.”

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Check out the video  … 

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You just can’t make this stuff up …

Thanks to JNH for feeding the lead

>> Latest Posts

Wipe that smile off your face … if you’re in New Jersey, that is.

September 26, 2012

Not in all instances, just for the picture on your driver’s license.

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New Jersey has joined several other states in the use of facial recognition software … linked to driver’s license photos.

So, it’s all about facial recognition:

“The distance between someone’s mouth and their chin. The distance between their mouth and their nose. The distance between their eyes.

And when you make a bizarre or obscure facial expression, it prohibits the computer from conducting the measurements it needs to do,”

Couple of points;

1.  I’ve never heard accuse New Jersey folks of excessive smiling … scowling, yes … smiling, no.

2.  Who ever smiles when they’re at the DMV.

3.  NJ is at least 3 years behind Virginia … we posted about my wife’s smiling reprimand back in 2009.

>> Latest Posts

Picture of the week: Remember the Somalian pirates?

September 21, 2012

Well, apparently they’ve taken their game up a notch.

But, we can all relax … the President is dishing his charm to get the pirates under control.

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Photo courtesy of Obama-Biden 2012

You just can’t make this stuff up.

>> Latest Posts

Eastwooding.

September 4, 2012

Last Thursday nite I was dismayed to watch Clint Eastwood live delivering his now infamous chat with Obama-the-empty-chair.

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I thought the skit diminished the prime time pitches by wasting valuable time and setting, setting a wrong tone, and potentially monopolizing the next day news cycle.

Maybe I was wrong …

I think the GOP lucked into something.

First, the Eastwood pitch went viral … landing some grand symbolic punches on Obama (emperor has no clothes, empty suit, etc.) …. and coining a new pop culture expression: “Eastwooding” .

Just Google the word and you’ll see what I mean.  It was most-Googled over the weekend.

Here are  my favorite web posts … and the White House’s response.

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I guess, sometimes it’s better to be lucky than to be smart.

>> Latest Posts

Ouch: Why getting kicked “there” hurts so much …

August 8, 2012

One of the America’s Got Talent quarter-finalists this year was a nasty guy named Horse.

His talent: an ability (and willingness) to take repeated shots to the  family jewels.

Warning: viewer discretion advised … guys, it may hurt just to view the clip or read the scientific info below..

click for AGT video
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Fortunately, Horse didn’t pass through to the semi-finals.

But, he got me wondering …

Why does it hurt so much?

Here’s the scientific explanation.

Excerpted from mentalfloss.com

More than any other bodily injury, getting hit in the family jewels is probably what every man dreads most … of all the spots on the human body, none register the same kind of incapacitating, end-of-the-world pain .

What causes such inconceivable pain?

Well, for starters, because of nerves, it’s gonna hurt.

Unlike most other parts of your body, though, the scrotum lacks protection in the form of bones, large muscle mass, and fat …. it   absorbs the whole force of the blow all on its own.

Second, the groin has a ridiculously high number of sensory nerve endings, and such generous innervation makes good and bad touches alike very “noticeable” sensations.

And the pain doesn’t just stay down there …  It  radiates throughout the groin and up into the abdomen (and, psychically, out to every other dude standing within a few feet), leading to a weird stomach ache.

This is the work of a phenomenon known as referred pain, which is when a sensation originating at one spot travels along a nerve root to other parts of the body and is perceived as happening there, too.

The pain starts in the groin and travels up the perineal and pudendal nerves and the spermatic plexus … to the abdomen and  around the spine.

* * * * *
Design flaw ?

Why is such a sensitive and delicate body part just hanging there in the open?

The placement of the testicles is inconvenient, but absolutely necessary.

The testes’ job is to produce sperm, and sperm are very fragile. They’re extremely sensitive to high and low temperatures, and must be kept away from the rest of the body.

They can handle human body temps for only one to four hours, or the average amount of time it takes them to travel through the female reproductive tract and fertilize an egg.

Internal testes or any type of significant shielding for them would heat them up too much, too early and make them drop out of the race well before reaching the egg, rendering them useless.

Ken’s Take: (1) OUCH !  (2) Compelling proof that god is a woman.

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Move over Suze … Thugga is dishing what’s what.

August 7, 2012

The Business Insider says …

He might cavort with video vixens and rap about diamond-encrusted grills, but Houston rapper Slim Thug knows a thing or two about living within his means.

The self-proclaimed Black Suze Orman  penned a 47-page e-book (ahem, “financial manifesto”) called “How to Survive the Recession”.

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Some of Thug’s wisdom:

  • “If you can’t buy it THREE times over, you can’t afford it.”
  • “Never buy a house with unnecessary space”
  • “Never have a Bentley with a Benz salary.”
  • “Why pop a hundred bottles when it only takes a couple to get drunk?“
  • “Dude, say you got a million dollar check … You got to pay damn near half of it to taxes.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Thugga.

Now, off to pop the minimum number of bottles …

Thanks to SMH for feeding the lead.

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Great moments in leadership: Obama ditches the prompter for note cards …

July 18, 2012

This is too good to believe …

The Hill reports that last week in Pennsylvania & Virginia — to “up the tempo” at campaign events” — President Obama switched  from using a teleprompter to using note cards.

Hmmm.

Isn’t that when Obama went on his impromptu rant about how government, not entrepreneurs  build businesses?

This will be fun to watch.

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Flashback

This news flash provides an archives opportunity.

Remember when O’s prompter failed at a White House event?

click to view
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For the happy bride & groom …

June 18, 2012

Team Obama says you shouldn’t give a bride & groom a toaster or impersonal cash … rather, you should make a donation – in their namse – to O’s re-election campaign.

Yeah, right …

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Biden coins Obama 2012 campaign slogan, berates donors … and, the dumbest poll question ever.

May 4, 2012

Last week in a major policy address on foreign policy, VP Biden cited a reason to elect President Obama: because he has “a big stick”. 

Say what?

Maybe “Cool with a Big Stick” will  catch on as a replacement for Hope & Change …

     click to view
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This jabrone  a gift that keeps on giving.

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Biden Berates Donors

According to pool press reports:

Vice President Joe Biden berated campaign donors at a fundraiser in Washington D.C.

“I guess what I’m trying to say without boring you too long at breakfast – and you all look dull as hell.

I might add. The dullest audience I have ever spoken to.

Just sitting there, staring at me. Pretend you like me!”

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Dumbest Poll Question

While we’re on the topic …

Also last week, the FoxNews poll asked one of the dumbest questions ever:

“Do you approve or disapprove of the job Joe Biden is doing as Vice President?”

The results: a toss-up

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My take:

1) Do people have any idea what the “job as Vice President” is?  Not sure that I do …

2) Hard for me to believe that 84% of the people even know who Joe Biden is.

3) Even if they did know what a VP does, and have an opinion re” how well Biden is doing the job … who cares?

Like George Costanza, SS agents should ask: “Was that wrong?”

April 30, 2012

I wonder if the Secret Service agents caught playing in Colombia have considered using the “George Costanza Defense”?

In a classic Seinfeld episode, George was messing around with the office’s cleaning lady and she ratted him out to the boss.

The boss called George in for a “conversation”:

       click picture to view … transcript below
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Mr. Lippman: It’s come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?

 
George Costanza: Who said that?

Mr. Lippman: She did.

George Costanza: Was that wrong?

Should I not have done that?

I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon…

You know, ‘cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.

Wonder if the Secret Service agents have tried George’s Costanza defense?

Might not work, but would at least generate some yuks.

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John “The Plumber” Lovitz rants on Obamanomics… ouch!

April 25, 2012

Former SNL comedian John Lovitz voted for Obama in 2008.

Now, he’s expressing his disappointment in a very “colorful” way.

The essence of his rant goes to the core of what bothers many besieged taxpayers.

“I voted for the guy and I’m a Democrat.

First they say … ‘You can do anything you want. Go for it.’

So then you go for it, and then you make it, and everyone’s like, ‘F— you’ … give me half … no, that’s not enough, give me more than half.

This whole thing with Obama saying the rich don’t pay their taxes is f—ing bulls—.”

Worth listening to the whole thing … if you don’t mind a few bad words … and want a few yuks

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A celeb that walks the energy talk … no Gulfstream for this dude.

March 22, 2012

Apparently, President Obama’s recent energy speech gained at least one influential endorsement.

I usually don’t put much stock in celebrity endorsements.

But in marketing parlance — this one, from a star who was way ahead oh his time — might have “legs” …

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Questions:

1. Wouldn’t it be faster for Fred to leave the car at home and just walk to work ?

2. Are rock hard wheels more energy efficient than fully inflated tires ?

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Target the targeter becomes the target … very predictable.

February 27, 2012

This is going to be hard for Target to shake.

The NYT revelations that Target has been mining its data bases to early-identify pregnant women and “change their buying behaviors when they’re vulnerable to marketing initiatives” has gone viral.

Now, Target has become a target …

Here’s a funny piece from the Colbert Report:

click to view
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Thanks to RG for feeding the lead

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Chickens and taxpayers … hmmm.

February 13, 2012

Gone viral … at least among taxpayers.

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Thanks to JWC for feeding the lead

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Old-timers brawl at CFL awards ceremony …

November 30, 2011

You just can’t make this stuff up …

According to the LA Times:

Two ancient legends of the Canadian Football League (no, not Warren Moon) got into a fistfight at an alumni luncheon Friday in Vancouver.

Joe Kapp, a 73-year-old former quarterback (and coach of the Cal Bears from 1982-86), punched his longtime rival Angelo Mosca, a 74-year-old defensive linemen and longtime professional wrestler.

The two have disliked other since the 1963 Grey Cup (the CFL championship game). Apparently in that game, Mosca delivered a controversial hit on Kapp’s teammate Willie Fleming, knocking him out of the game.

When Mosca and Kapp were introduced, the luncheon’s host, comedian Ron James, told Kapp to give Mosca an olive branch from a table setting as a peace offering.

Mosca, however, had an alternate suggestion as to what Kapp could do with the olive branch. Kapp didn’t care for that idea and slugged Mosca, who hit Kapp with his cane, then stumbled off the stage.

                                     click to view the vid

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O’s campaign slogan: From “Hope & Change” to “Let’s do some gangsta &%#@”

November 11, 2011

Some political commentary from Obama-supporter Chris Rock.

Just can’t make this stuff up …

According to Politico:

Chris Rock — comedian and actor – says that he’s “fine with the president,”  because he understands that the president has to keep his most aggressive policies on the back burner until he earns a second term.

More specifically …

“There’s a f——— art to the first term because you’re always running for a second term the whole time.  You can’t really do your gangsta sh— until your second term.”.

“ I want more action. But I understand that he’s trying not to piss off a lot of people. But I believe wholeheartedly if he’s back in, he’s going to do some gangsta sh—.

Can’t you just imagine the bumper sticker?

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Great moments in marketing … or, not !

August 1, 2011

When marketing and politics collide …

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tweet, Tweet, TWEET … please !

Widely reported:

On Friday, with time running out,  President Barack Obama urged Americans  to “tweet” their members of Congress to seek a compromise on a debt ceiling deal.

The President first begged for tweets in his primetime address to the nation last week.  I thought enough people ridiculed the plea that he’d shelve it.  Not so.

Maybe I’m old-school, but I think stirring up tweets is  un-presidential – and diminishes the office,

What next? The too cool President calling for a flash mob on the Capitol Hill steps?

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Drill baby, drill

I’m a big fan of analytics and data-driven marketing, but …

The WSJ’s Peggy Noonan reported a hiring notice from the Obama 2012 campaign.:

The “Analytics Department” is looking for predictive Modeling/Data Mining specialists to join the campaign’s multi-disciplinary team of statisticians, which will use predictive modeling to anticipate the behavior of the electorate.

We will analyze millions of interactions a day, learning from terabytes of historical data, running thousands of experiments, to inform campaign strategy and critical decisions.

Noonan’s observation: It reads like politics as done by Martians.

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My brand’s been hijacked !

Bumper sticker that’s popping up …. combines tweeting and brand image …  probably not sanctioned by the Obama campaign.

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Click to order your’s

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America’s Got Talent … and the Debt Crisis

July 27, 2011

AGT has  passed CSI to become my favorite TV show – at least, for now.

Watching last night, I was struck by two ironic commonalities between AGT and the President’s speech on Monday night.

First, the headline act was a guy named Professor Splash who belly-flopped 36 feet into a kiddie pool filled with 12 inches of water.

Great metaphor for solving the debt crisis, right?

Second, the winners are, of course, decided by folks phoning and emailing to vote for their favorites.

After performances, acts would wave the number of fingers that corresponded to their act’s ID number.

If only, the President had waved and shouted “ … and press the number 1 if you want balance and compromise” when he implored people to call and write to members of Congress.

Agree?

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P.S. Since you asked: My current favorite acts are Silhouettes – a choreographed group of kids that dance into amazing formations behind a screen to create artistic silhouettes …. and Prof. Splash – partly because I love the name.

I learned years ago that anybody can just start calling themselves “professor” and write a blog.

If this dude gets up to, say, 50 feet for his belly-dives, he deserves the $1 million.  And, if he dies trying, his widow should get the money …

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Flash: O’s bud Warren takes offense at corp jet slap ….

July 19, 2011

Here’s the video I’ve been waiting for…Warren Buffett – often quoted by Pres. Obama since he’s a fan of higher taxes –  defending his honor as a corporate jet owner.

Guess Buffett doesn’t like being lumped with tanning salons.

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Time Mag editor (a reliable O-shill) calls the President a (blank) on MSNBC …

June 30, 2011

Mark Halperin – editor=at=large of thinly read, left-leaning Time magaine said on live TV that President Obama acted like a (blank) during his press conference yesterday.

Watch the clip to fill in the blank … worth watching.

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http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0611/58098.html

Move over, Richard Simmons …

June 30, 2011

Wally the Walrus is latest fitness icon.

Click the pic for for a smile  …

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xhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfFjt9EXFgc